Nicknames: Are they playful or harmful?

Nicknames. We all have them, we give them to our kids, our siblings, our grandparents, our friends - they can be fun and make you feel closer to someone! You’re probably familiar with the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” which unfortunately, is not entirely true. Our brain is very literal and when it hears something repeatedly, over time it creates a reality we may not expect or want. This plays into how we think about ourselves and helps shape our behavior.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a client about her feelings of being out of control around cookies. She could never have them in the house because if she did the whole box would be gone in a day. As we were talking about where this tendency came from she described the way that cookies were restricted in her household growing up. Her parents lovingly called her the “Cookie Monster” because any time there were cookies around she would eat them all.

The interesting thing was that she wasn’t always this way. When she was younger she could eat a cookie here and there and it wasn’t a big deal. Then when she turned 12, the conversation about her weight started and snowballed throughout her adolescence and most of her adult life. When her mom commented on the cookies she was eating, she would eat more out of both rebellion and also scarcity. Then she would feel guilt and restrict for days at a time. The nickname “Cookie Monster” was partially a term of endearment, but also a criticism of her food choices. So she simultaneously conformed to her role of “Cookie Monster” and fought against it in her constant struggle with weight loss. I’m happy to report that she and cookies have reconciled and she no longer feels out of control. She can have one after a meal and it’s not a big deal.

Another example is cultural. I studied abroad in Argentina in high school for 6 months. A term of endearment there is calling (primarily) girls and young women “gorda” (fat) or “flaca” (thin). My host family started calling me gorda or gordita (which is also what they called their daughter). For reference, I’ve never been a stick, but I was a healthy size in high school.

Fun fact: Argentina has the highest rate of eating disorders in the world.

My host family simultaneously encouraged me to finish generous portions, eat dessert every day and suggested that I should join the cross country team to stay thin. I want to stress that my host family was incredible and loving and that none of it was meant to be mean-spirited. Part of my enthusiasm for food while I was there stemmed from the fact that I knew I would be there temporarily and wanted to take advantage of foods that I wouldn’t be able to eat at home. That being said, whether I realized it or not, I’m a people pleaser and definitely took my role as “gordita” seriously - I gained a good 10 lbs over that 6 months (no regrets!).

The point is, it’s important to think about how we label others, how others have labeled us and how we label ourselves. Often we don’t even realize how we transform into what others expect of us. I urge you to think about how those labels might be affecting your food choices, habits and health!